everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

materialnik

"I was going to order food. If you're hungry." He hasn't eaten since morning, too caught up in the games and then the paying of debts but he can put that aside if Kaz wants him now. If he doesn't then they have a convenient buffer.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"We can eat first," says Kaz, and the domesticity of it scares him, a little. The admitting to it, the not needing to be so drunk he doesn't question it. He doesn't say anything like that to Jesper, though.

From:

materialnik

"Pizza?" The suggestion feels appropriately casual. It doesn't require cutlery or plates, which pulls away some of the formality of actually having a meal and a conversation before they fuck.

From:

everymonstrousthing

He's taken to pizza, since arriving and he nods, draining the last of his drink and leaning to set down his glass.

"I just wish I could find one place that did decent fucking fried potatoes around here."

From:

materialnik

"The pancakes here aren't made right," Jesper says, equally disappointed in what he's found. They're all too big and too fluffy without the right sweetness.

At least pizza hasn't let him down. "What toppings?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"I can make pancakes." It's a skill that he's always kept secret, never discussed. "You can decide on the toppings. I'll eat anything."

From:

materialnik

For a moment, he has to hide the fact that he's a little stunned at the idea of Kaz doing something so domestic as making pancakes. He pictures it, Kaz over the stove, his sleeves rolled up as he flips one in the air.

Jesper's mouth goes dry and he isn't even sure why, so he drains his drink and laughs. "I'll get you a poffertje pan on your birthday, then."

From:

everymonstrousthing

That actually raises a genuine smile, that rarest of things. He pushes one hand back through his hair.

"Do I get another drink?"

From:

materialnik

Jesper forgets himself for a second, just watching that smile on Kaz's face and enjoying how perfect and rare it is.

"More of the same? Or something new?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Surprise me," says Kaz, which is starting to feel like a running joke between them now, a thing that he says when he means something else. He leans forward and grabs the glass, holding it out to Jesper with eyebrows slightly raised.

From:

materialnik

Jesper takes the glass, fingers sweeping against Kaz's in the barest touch, and heads back to the kitchen. While mixing up a drink, he orders the food, and then comes back out. The drink in his hand it a sparkling one, turned rose-colored with juice.

"It's called a Bellini."

From:

everymonstrousthing

It's delicious, sweet and sharp and Kaz raises his glass in a toast before taking another sip, making a soft, pleased sound against the glass.

From:

materialnik

That little noise gives Jesper pause and then he tries to pretend like it hasn't but he's never been a great bluff, so he just nods.

"And if you stay tonight, are you planning to sleep over? Or sleep with me?" Might as well get it out in the open in clear terms.

Edited Date: 2016-09-11 05:58 pm (UTC)

From:

everymonstrousthing

It feels like there's a line here, somewhere and Kaz isn't sure that he wants to cross it. But then, he'd lain awake watching Jesper sleep and he'd felt something howling inside him quiet. And then he'd gotten up and gotten dressed and pretended not to notice. But here it is again.

"Do you want me to?" He's not even drunk.

From:

materialnik

Jesper gives Kaz a quietly worn look. Of course he does. Kaz knows probably better than anyone that Jesper wants him.

"If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have asked," he says. "I'm not the one who has a problem with touch."

From:

everymonstrousthing

"We're not talking about screwing though, are we?" asks Kaz, head tilted. "We're talking about sleeping."

From:

materialnik

"Is there a difference?" Jesper asks. He lets a note of bitterness creep into his voice, letting Kaz know he'd been stung, having to wake up alone. It wasn't going to make a difference; if Kaz wanted to get laid, Jesper would accommodate. Because he wanted Kaz.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"I'm newer to one than the other, but there's some fairly obvious differences," says Kaz, eyebrow raised. He takes a sip of the sweet drink in his hand. "You didn't answer the question, Jes."

From:

materialnik

He breathes out and looks into his drink, searching for the right answer that will make this line of questioning go away, even if it's his own fault for starting it. "I was asking if you came over to get drunk and sleep on my couch," he says. "Or if you came over because you wanted to fuck."

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Oh, come on, Jes," says Kaz, and he sips the drink again. His shirtsleeves are shoved up to his elbows. Just the very edges of his tattoo shows. "You know why I'm here."

From:

materialnik

A lot of unkind words spring to mind but Jesper doesn't use them, because this is Kaz and he's always been stupid about Kaz. "Then we'll fuck," he says.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Don't put yourself out on my account," says Kaz, raising his eyebrow at Jesper's tone, punctuating with another swallow of his drink. "It's not like I'm in charge anymore."

From:

materialnik

"You know better than anyone that it's no hardship for me," Jesper says. He puts on his best smile and lounges in his chair, long legs bent over one of the sides. Add a cocked hat and he would have looked much like his old self, lounging at the Crow Club or the Slat.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"I do know that."

It's not in his nature to apologise. It's not in him to say that he regrets being gone before first light, the last time he was here. He doesn't know how.