everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

everymonstrousthing

"So tell me," says Kaz, finding that he really wants to hear it, that he really wants to know how Jesper sees him right then.

From:

materialnik

He laughs and kisses Kaz on the shoulder again, hips starting to move, though he's carefully still gentle about it. "I used to imagine that if we did this, you'd throw me down and have your way with me." Jesper keeps his voice low, smoky with fantasy. "And now it's me in you and I can feel you. Your whole body is an ember, Kaz. You're hot. Glowing. Hypnotic."

He sounds crazy now, making half-attempts at poetry, but Kaz feels too good.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Are you - ah..." His breath catches for a moment. "Are you disappointed?" He doesn't think that Jesper sounds like someone disappointed, though. He thinks he sounds like someone who's getting everything he wants.

From:

materialnik

This time, he bites Kaz's shoulder, as if it's an attempt at a reproach. "How could I be?" This is more than he's ever dreamed will be real. How can he be disappointed?

From:

everymonstrousthing

The bite makes him laugh, just a little and he squirms, rocking back into the cradle of Jesper's hips. He doesn't argue, though. Who's he to question?

From:

materialnik

He loves the way that Kaz squirms, bucks back toward the touch. It encourages Jesper on, gives him the permission to start to properly fuck Kaz, hips rolling so that he thrusts deeply into Kaz.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz moans when Jesper rocks into him like that, when he actually feels it. He drops his head, his weight caught on his hands.

"That's it" he mumbles. "More like that."

From:

materialnik

And he can give Kaz that, as often and as hard as he likes. Jesper moves a little faster, his thrusts a little more sharp, meant to take Kaz to the line between pleasure and pain he seems to like so much. "Like that?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

He arches his back, leaning into it as Jesper fucks him. It hurts, a little, but not in such a way that he wants him to stop.

"Saints, yes. Just like that."

From:

materialnik

Then he won't stop for all that he worries, just faintly, that Kaz will think it's too much. Jesper should know better that Kaz Brekker is made of sterner stuff in all things, especially the way he fucks. Not thinking, Jesper clenches his hands into Kaz's hips, leaving red marks from his nails.

From:

everymonstrousthing

That's what he craves - those marks, that ownership, even if just for now. He whimpers. Later, he can lie back and examine all of those marks, see how he feels about them once he's out of the moment.

From:

materialnik

"Shit." He doesn't mean to curse but Kaz makes that sound and Jesper's head falls back a little, mouth wide open and his hands tighten on Kaz's skin. "Kaz..." Because he just needs to say Kaz's name.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Jes," he mumbles. "Love. Please."

It's just a term of endearment. It's something he calls Nina all the time. But he still blinks when it slips out. Shit.

From:

materialnik

He does pause then, can't help it. It's such a weighty word that has no place in what they're doing that Jesper almost forgets that this doesn't mean anything. Then he remembers himself and makes himself laugh, nuzzling under Kaz's ear. "I'm no heartrender. Can't butter me up like that." He punctuates it with a hard thrust of his hips, a reminder for them both.

From:

everymonstrousthing

The harder thrust is good, though, and Kaz groans softly, rocking his weight back to ride against Jesper's cock into the cradle of his hips. He doesn't say anything else.

From:

materialnik

And just like that, they fall back into equilibrium. It's just sex. It's just Jesper being useful to Kaz. In that respect, it's no different from shooting.

He slides a hand down Kaz's chest and grips his cock, beginning to stroke.

From:

everymonstrousthing

That touch is maddening. Kaz rocks between the press of Jesper's cock, the stroke of his hand. He's never been touched like this, never let himself be touched like this, and he wonders how he went this long without being this warm.

"Jes."

He can't help it. He can't swallow the name down.

From:

materialnik

"I'm here," he says. He's here and alive and as willing as ever to do what Kaz wants, to be what he needs. Even if it costs Jesper a little part of himself. He has forgiveness to beg for that Kaz doesn't know.

Jesper strokes him through it, listening to the sound of his name.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz can't hold on much longer. He realises that a moment before he comes. It occurs to him just a moment before it happens that it's potentially going to make a horrible mess on Jesper's couch.

From:

materialnik

He feels it, hot and slick over his hand, and spares only a brief consideration to the couch. It's not like he bought it and, anyway, he likes the idea. Even if it's cleaned up, they'll still know what happened here.

Murmuring encouragement, Jesper keeps stroking, carrying Kaz through those last waves of it.

From:

everymonstrousthing

When he's spent, Kaz leans over the sofa, head down, still rocking back rhythmically to meet the thrust of Jesper's cock. There's more here that he wants.

From:

materialnik

If Kaz keeps moving like that, then Jesper isn't going to last much longer. Already, he's arrived at a very good understanding of how to roll his hips, how to make Jesper need.

"Kaz," he says, voice tight.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Do it," he rasps out, his hips still rocking backwards one hand reaching back to squeeze Jesper's thigh. "I need it."

Need. Not want.

From:

materialnik

Jesper groans, tries to think of the last time Kaz Brekker made that distinction, told Jesper he was needed, wanted. Anything more than tolerated. It makes this believable and it's all too easy to throw himself in, to let himself come.