everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

materialnik

And he can give Kaz that, as often and as hard as he likes. Jesper moves a little faster, his thrusts a little more sharp, meant to take Kaz to the line between pleasure and pain he seems to like so much. "Like that?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

He arches his back, leaning into it as Jesper fucks him. It hurts, a little, but not in such a way that he wants him to stop.

"Saints, yes. Just like that."

From:

materialnik

Then he won't stop for all that he worries, just faintly, that Kaz will think it's too much. Jesper should know better that Kaz Brekker is made of sterner stuff in all things, especially the way he fucks. Not thinking, Jesper clenches his hands into Kaz's hips, leaving red marks from his nails.

From:

everymonstrousthing

That's what he craves - those marks, that ownership, even if just for now. He whimpers. Later, he can lie back and examine all of those marks, see how he feels about them once he's out of the moment.

From:

materialnik

"Shit." He doesn't mean to curse but Kaz makes that sound and Jesper's head falls back a little, mouth wide open and his hands tighten on Kaz's skin. "Kaz..." Because he just needs to say Kaz's name.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Jes," he mumbles. "Love. Please."

It's just a term of endearment. It's something he calls Nina all the time. But he still blinks when it slips out. Shit.

From:

materialnik

He does pause then, can't help it. It's such a weighty word that has no place in what they're doing that Jesper almost forgets that this doesn't mean anything. Then he remembers himself and makes himself laugh, nuzzling under Kaz's ear. "I'm no heartrender. Can't butter me up like that." He punctuates it with a hard thrust of his hips, a reminder for them both.

From:

everymonstrousthing

The harder thrust is good, though, and Kaz groans softly, rocking his weight back to ride against Jesper's cock into the cradle of his hips. He doesn't say anything else.

From:

materialnik

And just like that, they fall back into equilibrium. It's just sex. It's just Jesper being useful to Kaz. In that respect, it's no different from shooting.

He slides a hand down Kaz's chest and grips his cock, beginning to stroke.

From:

everymonstrousthing

That touch is maddening. Kaz rocks between the press of Jesper's cock, the stroke of his hand. He's never been touched like this, never let himself be touched like this, and he wonders how he went this long without being this warm.

"Jes."

He can't help it. He can't swallow the name down.

From:

materialnik

"I'm here," he says. He's here and alive and as willing as ever to do what Kaz wants, to be what he needs. Even if it costs Jesper a little part of himself. He has forgiveness to beg for that Kaz doesn't know.

Jesper strokes him through it, listening to the sound of his name.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz can't hold on much longer. He realises that a moment before he comes. It occurs to him just a moment before it happens that it's potentially going to make a horrible mess on Jesper's couch.

From:

materialnik

He feels it, hot and slick over his hand, and spares only a brief consideration to the couch. It's not like he bought it and, anyway, he likes the idea. Even if it's cleaned up, they'll still know what happened here.

Murmuring encouragement, Jesper keeps stroking, carrying Kaz through those last waves of it.

From:

everymonstrousthing

When he's spent, Kaz leans over the sofa, head down, still rocking back rhythmically to meet the thrust of Jesper's cock. There's more here that he wants.

From:

materialnik

If Kaz keeps moving like that, then Jesper isn't going to last much longer. Already, he's arrived at a very good understanding of how to roll his hips, how to make Jesper need.

"Kaz," he says, voice tight.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Do it," he rasps out, his hips still rocking backwards one hand reaching back to squeeze Jesper's thigh. "I need it."

Need. Not want.

From:

materialnik

Jesper groans, tries to think of the last time Kaz Brekker made that distinction, told Jesper he was needed, wanted. Anything more than tolerated. It makes this believable and it's all too easy to throw himself in, to let himself come.

From:

everymonstrousthing

He feels filled by it, owned and he lets himself shiver lets himself sink into it. His nails dig into Jesper's thigh.

From:

materialnik

For a second, Jesper just slumps there, his body molded to Kaz's and nose pressed in his hair. Even now, after sex, he smells so good.

"Okay?" he asks, voice gentler than he should let it be.

From:

everymonstrousthing

For a moment, Kaz doesn't even have words. He nods.

"M'okay," he says. He needs to shower, but he doesn't immediately want to pull away.

From:

materialnik

He nods, kissing against Kaz's nape and then moves to pull out, to remove the condom. Then he's back against Kaz, indulging himself in kisses while he still can, before he leaves.

From:

everymonstrousthing

The kisses are warm and Jesper smells good and Kaz feels content in a way that he hasn't, maybe his whole life.

"I need to shower," he says.

On 28 September 2016 at 21:30, materialnik - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

From:

materialnik

"Yeah, me too," he says, inviting himself along. "I'm going to enjoy you while you're here."

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Thought you asked me if I wanted to stay," says Kaz, and he doesn't look back as he walks ahead of Jesper into the bathroom.

From:

materialnik

"Doesn't always mean you plan to," Jesper says, pointedly not describing waking up alone. Of course he wants Kaz to stay. He wants Kaz to say things that Jesper knows aren't in his vocabulary and to feel things that Brekker never allows himself to feel.

He wants to pretend.