(no subject)

[everymonstrousthing]

It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

Comments

[materialnik]

His hips snap up and then he's gone and Jesper can't help the look of satisfaction on his face. He's the one that brought that on. He made Kaz feel that way and Jesper can't deny the little pride he takes in it.

"You look so good," he says, admiring Kaz shamelessly.

[everymonstrousthing]

"All for you," says Kaz because, in that moment, it is and, in that moment, he can't imagine letting anyone but Jesper touch him like this, especially with Inej gone. He's going to stay the night, he realises. There's nowhere that he'd rather be than here.

[materialnik]

Jesper smiles at him and knows he looks pleased with himself. He isn't sorry. "Stay here," he says, both for the moment and for the night. For now, he withdraws his fingers and slips away to the bathroom to clean his hands and wet a towel for Kaz.

[everymonstrousthing]

For once in his life, Kaz takes an order. He just lies there, his hands draped over his head, come going tacky on his skin. He bites his lip, squirming a little.

[materialnik]

He's back soon enough, the washcloth still warm as he swipes it over Kaz's skin without a word. Somehow, suddenly, this is what feels too much, too intimate for what they are. Cleaning Kaz is reverent and tender and for that, it's strange. But good. At least, that's what Jesper hopes.

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz makes a soft, spent sound as Jesper wipes the warm cloth over his skin. He hesitates for just a moment and then h holds it his hands for attention. It feels like an admission. It feels like jumping into a void between buildings and hoping there's a ledge to catch. His ruined knee twinges in sympathy.

[materialnik]

Jesper doesn't hesitate and wipes Kaz's hands clean too. If he wants to get up and wash, he can, but it'd seemed important to do this. He wants Kaz to know that he can be valuable in this way, someone good and worth wanting. He wants Kaz to know he's wanted, too. It's a dangerous game and he's playing with a bad hand.

"Better?"

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz nods. Suddenly, he's exhausted. He rolls onto his side, away from Jesper but, after a moment, reaches back, looking for contact again.

"I'll stay the night," he says, finds that he means it.

[materialnik]

"Of course," Jesper says, trying not to be too delighted. Kaz is staying. Kaz is reaching out to him. Jesper sighs out and pulls Kaz closer, embracing him loosely. If Kaz wants to pull away, he can, but Jesper wants, if only for a moment, to hold Kaz.