(no subject)

[everymonstrousthing]

It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

Comments

[everymonstrousthing]

That actually raises a genuine smile, that rarest of things. He pushes one hand back through his hair.

"Do I get another drink?"

[materialnik]

Jesper forgets himself for a second, just watching that smile on Kaz's face and enjoying how perfect and rare it is.

"More of the same? Or something new?"

[everymonstrousthing]

"Surprise me," says Kaz, which is starting to feel like a running joke between them now, a thing that he says when he means something else. He leans forward and grabs the glass, holding it out to Jesper with eyebrows slightly raised.

[materialnik]

Jesper takes the glass, fingers sweeping against Kaz's in the barest touch, and heads back to the kitchen. While mixing up a drink, he orders the food, and then comes back out. The drink in his hand it a sparkling one, turned rose-colored with juice.

"It's called a Bellini."

[everymonstrousthing]

It's delicious, sweet and sharp and Kaz raises his glass in a toast before taking another sip, making a soft, pleased sound against the glass.

[materialnik]

That little noise gives Jesper pause and then he tries to pretend like it hasn't but he's never been a great bluff, so he just nods.

"And if you stay tonight, are you planning to sleep over? Or sleep with me?" Might as well get it out in the open in clear terms.

[everymonstrousthing]

It feels like there's a line here, somewhere and Kaz isn't sure that he wants to cross it. But then, he'd lain awake watching Jesper sleep and he'd felt something howling inside him quiet. And then he'd gotten up and gotten dressed and pretended not to notice. But here it is again.

"Do you want me to?" He's not even drunk.

[materialnik]

Jesper gives Kaz a quietly worn look. Of course he does. Kaz knows probably better than anyone that Jesper wants him.

"If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have asked," he says. "I'm not the one who has a problem with touch."

[everymonstrousthing]

"We're not talking about screwing though, are we?" asks Kaz, head tilted. "We're talking about sleeping."

[materialnik]

"Is there a difference?" Jesper asks. He lets a note of bitterness creep into his voice, letting Kaz know he'd been stung, having to wake up alone. It wasn't going to make a difference; if Kaz wanted to get laid, Jesper would accommodate. Because he wanted Kaz.

[everymonstrousthing]

"I'm newer to one than the other, but there's some fairly obvious differences," says Kaz, eyebrow raised. He takes a sip of the sweet drink in his hand. "You didn't answer the question, Jes."

[materialnik]

He breathes out and looks into his drink, searching for the right answer that will make this line of questioning go away, even if it's his own fault for starting it. "I was asking if you came over to get drunk and sleep on my couch," he says. "Or if you came over because you wanted to fuck."

[everymonstrousthing]

"Oh, come on, Jes," says Kaz, and he sips the drink again. His shirtsleeves are shoved up to his elbows. Just the very edges of his tattoo shows. "You know why I'm here."

[materialnik]

A lot of unkind words spring to mind but Jesper doesn't use them, because this is Kaz and he's always been stupid about Kaz. "Then we'll fuck," he says.

[everymonstrousthing]

"Don't put yourself out on my account," says Kaz, raising his eyebrow at Jesper's tone, punctuating with another swallow of his drink. "It's not like I'm in charge anymore."

[materialnik]

"You know better than anyone that it's no hardship for me," Jesper says. He puts on his best smile and lounges in his chair, long legs bent over one of the sides. Add a cocked hat and he would have looked much like his old self, lounging at the Crow Club or the Slat.

[everymonstrousthing]

"I do know that."

It's not in his nature to apologise. It's not in him to say that he regrets being gone before first light, the last time he was here. He doesn't know how.

[materialnik]

"Then we'll have pizza and get drunk and fuck around," Jesper says, as if that's that. It's what Kaz wants and Jesper will certainly enjoy it.

[everymonstrousthing]

Which is why he came here, isn't it? Kaz feels something warm relax inside himself. He takes another sip of his drink.

"Don't pretend you're not into having your wicked way with me again, Jes."

[materialnik]

"Oh, I'm wicked now, am I?" Jesper asks, smiling. Of course he is; they both are. Relaxing further into the chair, Jesper finishes his drink.

[everymonstrousthing]

"Why else would I be here?"

There are plenty of reasons why he'd be here. There's no one left in this foreign, ridiculous world that knows him like Jesper does.

[materialnik]

"Not my pleasant company, that's for sure." Jesper keeps his smile on but he's relieved, too, when a knock on the door sounds the arrival of the pizza. Jesper comes to the door again and pays the man, tipping generously for the lateness even when he ought to put some of that money aside for the sake of his debts.

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz drains the last of his drink and leans forward. He fidgets with his gloves, debating putting them back on to eat. He might be better, a little, with skin touching his, but he's still fastidiously clean, dislikes the idea of grease on his fingers.

[materialnik]

Jesper gets plates from his kitchen and, noticing how Kaz fidgets, also knives and forks. He intends to simply eat his out of the box but leaves the cutlery available for Kaz to take advantage of, making no comment while he eats his first slice.

[everymonstrousthing]

Gratefully, he reaches for silverware, using them to eat. It keeps his hands clean, even if it doesn't look quite as easy as Jesper eating it straight out of the box.

"They might not know how to cook potatoes, but this is good," he comments.