everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

materialnik

It's strange, realizing he'd be on his knees right now if Kaz only asked it. Jesper just thinks of the kiss and pushes it from his head.

"Better?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Getting there," says Kaz, ducking his head and letting the water sluice over him. Being around Jesper reminds him of Inej, of Ketterdam of everything he's lost. There's comfort in that.

From:

materialnik

"You'll get there." It's a platitude and Jesper doubts Kaz has any patience for hearing them but it seems important to say. They won't be the same without Inej but he'll find a way to be who he needs to be.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"When did I start believing things you said?" asks Kaz, but it's a gentle jibe, meant fondly. He lifts one arm, curling it around Jesper's neck. He remembers the way he stomach used to lurch sickly at skin to skin contact. Before he learned to remember how warm a living person could be.

From:

materialnik

"Once in a while," Jesper says. He lets himself be drawn in and forget that this is an arrangement of Kaz's needs, of bandaging wounds that need tending.

But he's never been good at convincing himself to put those feelings aside in the past before either.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Mmhmm," says Kaz, leaning in, pressing slick skin against slick skin. "But even a stopped clock's right twice a day."

From:

materialnik

"I'll take what I can get. I always do." He smiles and steals a kiss, thumb tracing affectionately over one of those razor cheekbones. "Even if it's only twice a day." Now he leers.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz makes a sound that's probably a laugh. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, palming wet hair back from his face.

"Well, you've had once," he says, eyebrow raised.

From:

materialnik

Jesper laughs and turns his head, kissing at Kaz's throat again. "We still have time for twice."

From:

everymonstrousthing

Without even really thinking about it, Kaz tilts his head back, giving Jesper more room to work. He has no idea what they're doing here. He doesn't want it to stop.

From:

materialnik

"What do you think?"

He's flirting just to flirt, even though he knows he's drawing himself deep into worse trouble. This is a bad streak and he doesn't care. He wants Kaz and wants to be someone Kaz cares about.

And Saints, Kaz looks beautiful under the water.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"I think I could go again," says Kaz, his voice a rumble in his chest. "However you want."

From:

materialnik

Jesper laughs and bends his head to kiss Kaz. What he wants is to wake up with Kaz sprawled over him and to wake him with kisses and have him in the morning light but he's not that optimistic.

"Shame to get all clean and then dirty you up again," he teases.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Are you rationing hot water?" Says Kaz. Showers are tied for his favourite thing about Darrow. He loves TV and he loves showers.

From:

materialnik

"I've never known you to be inefficient," Jesper says, kissing Kaz's ear and then his shoulder. He's such a small, bony creature, like the crows he loves so much and Jesper can't get enough.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Ah, but that was in Ketterdam," says Kaz, his smudged eyelashes fluttering at the brush of Jesper's lips against his wet skin. Jesper might be taller than Kaz is but Kaz is broader. For right now, though, he's happy enough to be crowded.

From:

materialnik

Saints help him. Is Kaz being...playful? Is he smiling? Suddenly, Kaz looks the same age as Jesper instead of severe and years older than he really is and Jesper's stomach drops out a little.

"Never thought you'd like a place better than the barrel."

From:

everymonstrousthing

There are plenty of places that he likes better than the Barrel, but none of them are home. He is, when it comes down to it, a product of the place that he sprung from. He was the deadliest boy in the Barrel.

But he's a long way from home.

"Half the time you just don't think," he says, but fondly.

From:

materialnik

"You didn't come here for my thoughts," Jesper reminds him, glancing pointedly between them and their water-slick bodies. "So it's a good thing I don't."

From:

everymonstrousthing

Once again, Kaz isn't really sure what he's come here for. He groans softly, nudging Jesper with the tips of his fingers.

"Planning on keeping me in the shower all night?"

From:

materialnik

"Didn't you just say...?" Jesper throws up a hand and then reaches out to turn off the water. Like last time, he steps out and holds a towel ready for Kaz, inviting him to come over, bundled close for now.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz only hesitates for a moment before he steps out of the shower and into the towel that Jesper's providing. He's going to stop thinking, he thinks. He's going to let it go.

From:

materialnik

It's a terrible idea, wanting to cosset Kaz Brekker of all people into a towel. Brekker. Rietveld. Neither of them are the sort of men to wrap up into blankets. Jesper's head buzzes from thought to thought, somewhere between alarm and a half-dozen threads of investigation of who Kaz Rietveld might have been.

One thought, clear and urgent, tells him to stop thinking. Jesper steps backward into the little hall and then the bedroom, tugging Kaz along with him.

From:

everymonstrousthing

For now, at least, Kaz is willing to be lead. The towel is soft against his skin. Jesper is warm. It's something to sink into.

From:

materialnik

"Don't do that," Jesper says, certain Kaz doesn't even know how he looks right now, something like soft and content. "I'm going to forget who you are and think you're sweet."