everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

materialnik

"I've never known you to be inefficient," Jesper says, kissing Kaz's ear and then his shoulder. He's such a small, bony creature, like the crows he loves so much and Jesper can't get enough.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Ah, but that was in Ketterdam," says Kaz, his smudged eyelashes fluttering at the brush of Jesper's lips against his wet skin. Jesper might be taller than Kaz is but Kaz is broader. For right now, though, he's happy enough to be crowded.

From:

materialnik

Saints help him. Is Kaz being...playful? Is he smiling? Suddenly, Kaz looks the same age as Jesper instead of severe and years older than he really is and Jesper's stomach drops out a little.

"Never thought you'd like a place better than the barrel."

From:

everymonstrousthing

There are plenty of places that he likes better than the Barrel, but none of them are home. He is, when it comes down to it, a product of the place that he sprung from. He was the deadliest boy in the Barrel.

But he's a long way from home.

"Half the time you just don't think," he says, but fondly.

From:

materialnik

"You didn't come here for my thoughts," Jesper reminds him, glancing pointedly between them and their water-slick bodies. "So it's a good thing I don't."

From:

everymonstrousthing

Once again, Kaz isn't really sure what he's come here for. He groans softly, nudging Jesper with the tips of his fingers.

"Planning on keeping me in the shower all night?"

From:

materialnik

"Didn't you just say...?" Jesper throws up a hand and then reaches out to turn off the water. Like last time, he steps out and holds a towel ready for Kaz, inviting him to come over, bundled close for now.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz only hesitates for a moment before he steps out of the shower and into the towel that Jesper's providing. He's going to stop thinking, he thinks. He's going to let it go.

From:

materialnik

It's a terrible idea, wanting to cosset Kaz Brekker of all people into a towel. Brekker. Rietveld. Neither of them are the sort of men to wrap up into blankets. Jesper's head buzzes from thought to thought, somewhere between alarm and a half-dozen threads of investigation of who Kaz Rietveld might have been.

One thought, clear and urgent, tells him to stop thinking. Jesper steps backward into the little hall and then the bedroom, tugging Kaz along with him.

From:

everymonstrousthing

For now, at least, Kaz is willing to be lead. The towel is soft against his skin. Jesper is warm. It's something to sink into.

From:

materialnik

"Don't do that," Jesper says, certain Kaz doesn't even know how he looks right now, something like soft and content. "I'm going to forget who you are and think you're sweet."

From:

everymonstrousthing

"I'm still a monster on the inside," promises Kaz, his smile crooked but there. He glances up at Jesper, palms his hair back from his face. "Some things are never going to change."

From:

materialnik

Jesper raises an eyebrow at Kaz, silently asking two questions. Are you sure about that? and Do you really think I'd forget? Then he nudges Kaz into bed, inviting him to fall back into rumpled sheets.

From:

everymonstrousthing

It's frighteningly easy to fall into bed to settle on his stomach, the tip of his nose pressed into the pillow.

He ignores any questions that Jesper isn't actually going to ask him.

On 30 September 2016 at 22:18, materialnik - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

From:

materialnik

He looks so close to content for a second there and Jesper has a strange desire to tuck Kaz in and then throw himself on the couch for the night, as if this isn't his own bed. Laughing at himself, Jesper flops into the mattress next to Kaz and trails two fingers over his spine, tracing him.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz stiffens for a brief moment but then he relaxes, his eyes drifting closed as Jesper touches him gently. He turns his head so that he can look at Jesper.

"What else do you want to ask me?"

From:

materialnik

Jesper keeps his hand there and looks at Kaz, wondering what to ask, what kind of honesty he'd even get. It doesn't seem worth it and Jesper makes himself laugh. "How's a nice boy like you end up with a bad one like me?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Oh, come on, Jes," says Kaz, rolling his eyes. "You're better than that question. You know neither of us are good. If anything, we fucking deserve each other."

From:

materialnik

Jesper snorts and flops over on his back, arms folded under his head. "No one deserves you, Kaz Brekker. And from what I hear, I don't deserve anything." He grins, head turned back to look at him.

"I have a lot of questions but none of them I think you'd answer."

From:

everymonstrousthing

He's relaxed, warm from the shower. He shifts, pulling a blanket up over him to the waist.

"Try me."

From:

materialnik

Jesper reaches out and traces the lightly-inked R on Kaz's arm. He tries not to think about the + G and the person that Kaz really loves and misses.

"Who was he?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"A stupid kid who should have known better," says Kaz, shivering just barely at the brush of Jesper's fingers.

From:

materialnik

"There's got to be more to it than that," Jesper says, not phrasing it as a question. It's a little too dark for pillow talk.

Tracing the letter more decisively, Jesper lets himself move in closer, a gesture that's somewhere between a cuddle and aligning himself to Kaz's body. "What happens if someone else touches you? Someone who's not Inej or me?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Maybe there is," says Kaz and, when Jesper shifts closer, he doesn't move away. He thinks about the answer to the question. "Depends how long it happens for, how direct the contact. I passed out cold in that prison wagon." Nobody but Inej had ever known that about him. "Nearly threw up when they strip searched us."

From:

materialnik

"If it helps, you didn't look it. Or maybe I was just too worried I was going to throw up myself." Jesper holds up his arms in the air, turning them. "Paraffin."