everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

Kaz lets Jesper lead the way. It isn't the first time that he's been in Jesper's apartment but it's the first time without Inej, and that makes everything different. Once he's inside, he shrugs out of his jacket, leaves himself in his shirtsleeves, looks down at his gloves for a long, long time. Irritated, he passes one hand back through his hair and lowers himself down onto the couch.

"Not too late to turn me out onto the street, Jesper."

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From:

materialnik

"Well, we can't all be you."

Jesper goes back into the kitchen and opens the folding shade so that there's a small window between it and the living room. Without looking, he tosses a tumbler into the air and catches it on the back of his hand, pouring a shot of bourbon.

"What formed that habit? Or is that another untold story in the legend of Dirtyhands?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Don't ask me that yet." He's aware, achingly so, that yet isn't the same as never or not at all. His jaw ticks and he watches Jesper's clever hands for a moment. "Ask me something else."

From:

materialnik

"Have you ever been in love before that?" he asks again, because he doesn't need to bother asking if Kaz loves Inej. He'd seen those tattoos. The geraniums and the fresh G inked next to a faded R.

He's pushing his luck, but it's very good bourbon he's drinking.

From:

everymonstrousthing

With money, yes. With his own reputation, yes. But with another living, breathing, warm human being?

He shakes his head. Takes a sip of his sweet drink.

"Never."

From:

materialnik

"Figured," Jesper says and it doesn't matter if it's true or not because it's at least the answer he expects. "It's probably safer for you that way." Safer for all of them.

He tries not to think of Wylan.

From:

everymonstrousthing

He tilts his head, studying Jesper for a moment.

"What do you mean, safer?"

From:

materialnik

Jesper frowns and tries to push aside the thought of Kaz's reaction again, of the last time he lost Inej. "The less you love, the safer you are. Always seemed like your chief concern."

From:

everymonstrousthing

"My chief concern was staying one step ahead," he says. "And making money. And look where that got us." He drains his drink and then stands, walking into the kitchen, setting it down on the counter at Jesper's elbow. "Ask me another."

From:

materialnik

"Ask you another or pour you another?" Already, he's picking up a bottle by the neck, giving it a dramatic twirl through his fingers before pouring .

"Is there anyone you will touch?"

His hand still remembers that brief pass of Kaz's fingers.

From:

everymonstrousthing

He's distracted, for a moment, by the movement of the bottle, the swift deftness of his long, slim fingers. When the drink's poured, he picks it up and takes a sip. The bourbon burns.

"Just her," he says. "Since I was nine years old."

From:

materialnik

Not perfectly dextrous; Jesper realizes he's gotten a few drops of bourbon on his palm and licks it because there's no reason to waste good alcohol.

"And what happened when you were nine?" He can't believe he's asking and distracts himself by getting the last bit of bourbon from a fingertip.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"That's the same question you asked before by another route," says Kaz, and he actually smiles against the rim of his glass, just barely. He shakes his head. "Not yet."

From:

materialnik

Jesper shrugs and pours tequila and grenadine together, two tall glasses. It's a mistake; alcohol in Darrow is stronger than the liquors of Ketterdam and he knows he's well on his way to drunk.

But tonight seems to be the night for it.

Kaz smiles and Jesper finds he doesn't know what the hell to do with it.

"When was Kaz Brekker born, then?" Jesper tries. He's nudging on the same question but trying yet another route.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"A few years later than Kaz Reitvald," he says, and it's the closest that he's ever come to being completely honest with Jesper and it shakes something, deep inside of him. He knocks back the rest of his bourbon in one go. "Kaz Brekker crawled out of the harbour, like all of the best Barrel boys."

From:

materialnik

Reitvald. It's not a name he's ever heard but then Jesper thinks of the R tattooed on Kaz's bicep. There's that answer.

"And Kaz Reitvald?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Was nine years old when he came to Ketterdam." It's a big truth. He doesn't look at Jesper when he says it. He pushes one hand back through his hair, focusing on the feeling of short shaved hair against his palm as he smooths the longer strands back into place.

From:

materialnik

"And Dirtyhands came along." It's not a question. Jesper's a shit scholar but even he can add two and two. Whatever happened to make Kaz Reitvald into Brekker also kept him from touching anyone else except in violence.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"When there was rough work to be done," says Kaz, shrugging. "Ketterdam wasn't a good place for a kid like Kaz Reitvald as it turns out." He looks up. "You know what coming to Ketterdam is like."

From:

materialnik

Jesper turns his glass in its place and nods, looking up at Kaz and voicing, for the first time, the suspicion that he and Inej shared about the first time they met. "You made sure I found out," he says, reaching out and tapping the back of Kaz's hand, just to see what happens.

From:

everymonstrousthing

He doesn't flinch, but he does go still for a moment, and he has to remind himself that corpses aren't warm. That dead thing's skin doesn't give like that.

"Made sure you found out what?" he asks, his breath shivering in his chest.

From:

materialnik

"Did you send those boys to rough me up, when you found me?" Jesper asks. There's something in Kaz's eyes that makes him think he'll actually be honest, breath still and pupils dilated.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"When I saved you, Jes," he says, and his smile is almost fond for a moment. "Yes, I hired them. Because I thought you'd be useful."

From:

materialnik

He would smile at that, pleased with himself. It almost softens the blow of being called useful.

"Never leave anything to chance, do you?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"I try not to," says Kaz, maintaining eye contact. "Leaving things to chance makes you easier to trip up."

From:

materialnik

Funny then, that he keeps Jesper around when all he does is play with chance. Jesper wishes he could be angry. It would be smart but he just can't leave behind a bad hand when he should.

He pours himself another shot and drinks it at once without saying anything.