everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

Kaz lets Jesper lead the way. It isn't the first time that he's been in Jesper's apartment but it's the first time without Inej, and that makes everything different. Once he's inside, he shrugs out of his jacket, leaves himself in his shirtsleeves, looks down at his gloves for a long, long time. Irritated, he passes one hand back through his hair and lowers himself down onto the couch.

"Not too late to turn me out onto the street, Jesper."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

materialnik

"And Dirtyhands came along." It's not a question. Jesper's a shit scholar but even he can add two and two. Whatever happened to make Kaz Reitvald into Brekker also kept him from touching anyone else except in violence.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"When there was rough work to be done," says Kaz, shrugging. "Ketterdam wasn't a good place for a kid like Kaz Reitvald as it turns out." He looks up. "You know what coming to Ketterdam is like."

From:

materialnik

Jesper turns his glass in its place and nods, looking up at Kaz and voicing, for the first time, the suspicion that he and Inej shared about the first time they met. "You made sure I found out," he says, reaching out and tapping the back of Kaz's hand, just to see what happens.

From:

everymonstrousthing

He doesn't flinch, but he does go still for a moment, and he has to remind himself that corpses aren't warm. That dead thing's skin doesn't give like that.

"Made sure you found out what?" he asks, his breath shivering in his chest.

From:

materialnik

"Did you send those boys to rough me up, when you found me?" Jesper asks. There's something in Kaz's eyes that makes him think he'll actually be honest, breath still and pupils dilated.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"When I saved you, Jes," he says, and his smile is almost fond for a moment. "Yes, I hired them. Because I thought you'd be useful."

From:

materialnik

He would smile at that, pleased with himself. It almost softens the blow of being called useful.

"Never leave anything to chance, do you?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

"I try not to," says Kaz, maintaining eye contact. "Leaving things to chance makes you easier to trip up."

From:

materialnik

Funny then, that he keeps Jesper around when all he does is play with chance. Jesper wishes he could be angry. It would be smart but he just can't leave behind a bad hand when he should.

He pours himself another shot and drinks it at once without saying anything.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz watches him, eyes dark and unreadable for a moment. He's drunker than he meant to be. He doesn't want to stop drinking. He holds out his glass for another.

On 5 September 2016 at 19:40, materialnik - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

From:

materialnik

They're rambling toward something very dangerous and Jesper knows it but he takes the glass from Kaz and this time there's no mistaking the way he lets his fingers fold over Kaz's. His skin is softer than he'd expect from a boy named Dirtyhands.

Then he pulls away and pours Kaz another shot and then holds the bottle up so that Kaz can see there's hardly anything left. Nothing but the dregs.

From:

everymonstrousthing

And gods, he is shaken by that touch. Warm. Jesper is very, very warm. That's what Kaz focuses on. He gets the joke, the message in the bottle, and huffs a laugh.

"Now what are we going to do?"

From:

materialnik

"Good question," Jesper says. He puts the bottle directly to his lips and takes a swig, holding out the bottle for Kaz to finish.

"Probably something stupid."

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Wouldn't be the first time for either of us," says Kaz, taking the bottle and knocking back what's left, leaning his weight back against the counter.

From:

materialnik

Jesper spreads his arms wide, like some kind of tipsy showman. His kitchen is very narrow and the gesture knocks his hands into the fridge and the opposite wall and Jesper stumbles, laughs.

"Are you sure about that?"

From:

everymonstrousthing

He isn't so far gone that he reaches out to steady Jesper, but he does raise his eyebrows, his mouth tightening with humour for a moment.

"That we've done stupid things? Virtually certain."

From:

materialnik

"Nothing to be done for it, I suppose," he says. And, because he always has to press his luck, Jesper steps forward into Kaz's space.

Inej is gone and Jesper's a poor replacement but he'd be lying if he didn't want to.

From:

everymonstrousthing

And, for his part, Kaz doesn't pull away. His brain is screaming at him, but his body, his skin, got used to warmth and now everything is cold, now Inej is gone. He draws in a shivering breath.

"Sure it's a bet you want to make?"

From:

materialnik

"Never been good at walking away," Jesper reminds him, and he stays right there, doesn't move closer and doesn't move farther away.

From:

everymonstrousthing

"Neither have I." And he's drunk, he's far drunker than he meant to be, and he let himself become a person who could miss touch, who could crave it. But he doesn't know how to initiate it, not with someone who's not Inej. It's a language he doesn't speak.

From:

materialnik

"So what do we do?" Jesper asks, leaning forward. He lets himself into Kaz's space, head tipped slightly down so they make eye contact. Offering.

From:

everymonstrousthing

Kaz's hand comes up, trembling and brushes Jesper's arm, his shoulder. He rolls one shoulder in a shrug but he sways in a little, too

"Don't look at me like I know."

From:

materialnik

It's a lot coming from Kaz and Jesper's only now seeing the reality of it. Kaz looks like he really might faint. He's never thought of Kaz Brekker as a fragile man and he's not sure what to do with that impression other than sneak closer and put his arm around Kaz's waist to hold him up.

"I'm offering, if you're wanting."

From:

everymonstrousthing

He can't quite put into words just how much he's wanting back then. His face flushes, his fingers spasming to clutch at the fabric of Jesper's shirt. Just the edge of one fingertip brushes the smooth skin of Jesper's neck.

"I don't know how to...I've never..." He swallows. "No-one but her."

From:

materialnik

The confession shouldn't surprise him after what Kaz has revealed but it's still difficult to imagine Kaz without that level of worldly experience. All the alcohol suddenly rushes heat to his cheeks and Jesper tries to imagine it, stomach turning with nervous excitement.

"I'm offering," he says again, trying to be suave when his mind can't unfocus from the touch along his neck.