everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

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jesper

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It's late. It's very, very late. And he has no idea what he's doing. He has no idea what he's doing.

He's not drunk - a little, maybe, but not enough to actually blame it. He's been at the club all day, finishing repairing the damage that he'd wrought with his cane. He'd thought about going home, but his apartment doesn't feel like home anymore, because home was on the tenth floor, with windows that opened onto the roof.

And what he is is lonely. And he's found something for that - not a cure. But a distraction.

And maybe it isn't fair. But what about life is?

He knocks on Jesper's door and then leans against the wall and waits.

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"Fine," Jesper says, because there's nothing he can do like talk into the ether just to fill up silence. "What's your favorite kind of coffee?" He can ask serious questions and he can ask inane questions.

Anything for Kaz.

"Black with one sugar," says Kaz, his mouth twitching with a grateful smile. "But it's not as good here as it is in that little place three doors up from the Crow Club."

He likes that little smile, faint though it is, and Jesper reaches out to touch his cheek.

"Nothing ever is. All the coffee here isn't as good." Another question, then, he thinks. "And your favorite sweets. Do you even eat sweets?"

Kaz shakes his head.

"Hardly ever." They reminded him too much of Jordie. "Just powered sugar on pancakes."

Jesper leans forward and tests his luck by kissing Kaz and then nuzzling at his neck. "Positively Fjerdan in your denial."

Jesper is warm and close and Kaz feels himself sinking into it.

"Just not a fan of sweet," he says. "I always preferred sharp."

Probably why he loves Inej so much then, but even Jesper isn't stupid enough to say that out loud. Instead he nibbles at the spot he just kissed.

"Then what is your favorite indulgence? Besides me."

"Besides you," says Kaz, fondly. "Movies. I love movies. And reading."

Things are so different. Now that they don't have to fight for their lives.

Jesper shouldn't but he basks in the acknowledgment that Kaz finds him an indulgence. He nips at Kaz's throat again and then presses his nose to his skin. "You're very warm," he says. Alive.

"Am I?" Asks Kaz, squirming a little at the tickle of Jesper's breath against his skin. "It's not as cold here as it would be in Ketterdam by now."

Jesper nods his agreement. "It's still colder than Novyi Zem would be, but that's all right." Next, he kisses Kaz's collarbone and then lower. "I don't mind being a little cool."

"You're warmer than me," points out Kaz, raising an eyebrow as he looks down at Jesper.

He laughs and kisses down to Kaz's chest, tongue flicking out over one of his nipples to see what Kaz will do. "It's because I haven't blacked out my heart completely yet."

Kaz's breath catches as the press of Jesper's tongue over sensitive nubs of flesh. He squirms so that he's lying on his back properly.

"You could find someone better than me to spend time with," he says, pillowing his head on one arm. "Someone kinder."

Jesper turns his head a moment and studies Kaz's face, his jaw moving against Kaz's skin as he thinks. "Since when are you worried about my receiving a kindness?" he asks. That's not what they are.

"Since now."

He's not about to explain himself, but that doesn't mean he doesn't owe Jesper that flicker of honesty.

"You are sweet," Jesper says, as if he's just discovered something delightful. He kisses Kaz right over the heart, gentle as anything, before turning his attention back to nibbling and kissing. To teasing.

"If you tell anyone, I'll slice strips off you," says Kaz, touching the crown of Jesper's head lightly with one hand, the texture of his hair against his palm.

Jesper hums and nuzzles at the hollow of Kaz's chest now, a hand sliding up his thigh at the same time. "Liar."

"Do you really want to risk it?" asks Kaz, smiling, skimming the very tips of his fingers over Jesper's shoulders.

He smudges a kiss along Kaz's stomach, just above his navel and then just beneath. "Everything I am is risk."

He can guess where Jesper is headed and his breath catches, a little bit, at the thought of it.

"You never did think things through."

"You count on it," Jesper says, nuzzling into the faint trail of hair that wisps over Kaz's belly. "You capitalize on it."

"I do," says Kaz lifting his hips slightly. His cock is taking notice of the gentle attention and he flushes faintly, lifting his head so that he can look down at Jesper. "I did."

He still is though, isn't he? A little. Here. Now.

Jesper hums into Kaz's skin, dropping a kiss along the shaft now, and doesn't say anything. Even Kaz has to know that Jesper's not that hopeless, that he knows Kaz still is. He's just choosing to be all right with it.