AU - Rat

[everymonstrousthing]

In the days after she goes, he's Dirtyhands more often than not. He stalks Darrow, sharp enough to cut. So little soft left in him. It's worse, because he'd let himself soften. He'd let too much of Kaz Reitvald come back and now reminding himself how to be the man he was in Ketterdam is hard work. It hurts.

Still. There's rough work to be done. So here he is.

The air in the club is close with tobacco, the smell of bodies. Kaz's mouth makes a moue of distaste as he slips up to the bar and orders gin, neat. He leans his back against polished wood, looks up at the stage. He's in time to catch the tail end of the performance.

Comments

[plaguedrat]

He nods and finally takes his own wine glass, looking into it more than he really drinks. "That limits what I'm useful for," he says, smiling in a way that would look self-deprecating on anyone else.

[everymonstrousthing]

"I don't want talking," says Kaz, shaking his head, taking another swallow of his wine. It's going down too quickly, and he knows it. "I don't think you want talking either. No matter what you want me to think."

[plaguedrat]

"Then what do you want?" If he wants sex, Rat can do that, but Kaz's own admission seems to rule that out. Leaning back, he adopts a careless sprawl.

[everymonstrousthing]

Rat is going to make every second of this hard work; Kaz can see that. He wouldn't expect anything different. Carefully, he leans forward and sets the glasses down. Deliberately, he peels off his gloves, tucking them into his pocket. And then he offers Rat one bare hand.

[plaguedrat]

It's not what he expects and Rat watches him for a moment. It's hard to choose which reason makes him most cautious. That he's loved and lost in too much measure. That he isn't in a mood to fight off violent reprisals if this goes badly. Maybe it's that he does have a measure of respect for Kaz he isn't eager to see damaged.

Whatever the reason, it gives Rat cause to be careful as he reaches out and lays his fingertips against Kaz's. It's a feather light touch, easy to escape, but it is there.

[everymonstrousthing]

Rat's skin is warm and it's soft and he feels alive. Kaz focuses on that. He drags in a breath through his nose and slides his fingers against Rat's, carefully, slowly, gently. He swallows, focusing on their hands, on the point where they touch.

[plaguedrat]

"I'm alive," he says, a reminder to them both. There's loss in this place but no death, just the full solidity of two damaged—but stubbornly, desperately alive—men.

[everymonstrousthing]

"You are," says Kaz, nodding, turning so he's facing Rat more solidly, his fingers curling around his wrist to tug him in a little closer. "We're both doing better than we've got any right to."

[plaguedrat]

"Despite the best efforts of a lot of very determined people." Rat lets himself be pulled, turning over their joined hands so he can swipe his thumb along the side of Kaz's palm. "Rats and crows get along well enough, don't they."

[everymonstrousthing]

"I'm sure they do," says Kaz, shivering even at that light touch. Warm. He's so warm. "Given the opportunity. He frowns, eyes studying Rat's face, beautiful despite or because of the makeup that softens him slightly. "I don't...I haven't..." He shakes her head. "It's only been her."

His cheeks flush at the admission.

[plaguedrat]

Rat fixes him with a smile then, kind enough not to say out loud that that's what he'd assumed. For someone with Kaz's afflictions, Rat finds it highly doubtful that he'd ever have gone further.

"I have," he says, letting Kaz decide if he likes that or not.

[everymonstrousthing]

A little sigh, almost like relief, shivers through Kaz when Rat tells him that. Carefully, he shifts his hand, their fingers threading, sliding together. He nods.

"I'm sick," he says, quietly. "Of being on my own in the dark."

[plaguedrat]

"I don't promise to bring the light." But at least it means they're not alone. Even as he warns himself for the thousandth time (Shion, Grey, Marius) that he shouldn't let someone in, Rat leans over, giving Kaz the space to back away or to accept the kiss.

[everymonstrousthing]

He hesitates for just a moment, but he doesn't pull away. Their lips graze. Kaz's breath catches. His fingers tighten on Rat's. Warm. He's warm. Alive. He's alive.

[plaguedrat]

The kiss is more gentle than might seem possible for someone whose public reputation is based in violence but Rat has learned a few things about softness too. Abandoning his wine, he creeps forward on the sofa until he almost looms over Kaz, his body free for perusal.

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz holds himself to the kiss, one hand still tucked into Rat's but his other hand skims along the other's side, cautiously feeling the shape of him against his bare Palm.

[plaguedrat]

It's his turn to flinch when Kaz's fingertips skate close to the curve of his back. "Careful," he says. When he breathes, it gives him the space to move a few inches, for Kaz's fingers to slide closer to the front. "You might not like what you see."

[everymonstrousthing]

"I've seen worse," Kaz assures him, but he does skim his fingers upwards instead, following the line of Rat's ribcage. It's a light, wandering sort of touch.

[plaguedrat]

"Survival rarely leaves you unmarked. I've had them since I was four." He's not ashamed of them, not most of the time, but something about Kaz's revulsion for death makes him want to keep them less visible.

[everymonstrousthing]

"I was nine when I started wearing gloves," he says. It's a small admission, but it's his to give. He leans up, brushing his lips against Rat's again.

[plaguedrat]

"We survived," he says. They have their scars, their gloves, but they also have their lives. He doesn't break the kiss but he does shift back a little, an invitation for Kaz to move over him. To explore.

[everymonstrousthing]

Rat moves and Kaz finds himself following, leaning in to keep the kiss, hand pressed against Rat's side. He huffs a laugh against Rat's skin, thinks of the way the girls at Heleen's would look at him sometimes.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," he admits.

[plaguedrat]

"I do."

With his other hand, Rat reaches out and cups Kaz's chin, making good on the touch he'd offered minutes before. The touch is delicate, careful, even as his lips part to deepen the kiss. He knows what he's doing. Knows how to make it good.

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz has always been a leader but, now, here, he's content to follow. It was like this with Inej, sometimes; with her, he'd learned all of the ways that it was possible for him to yield.

He tilt his head, parts his lips and lets Rat kiss him deeper.

[plaguedrat]

He would have expected, even without much experience, for Kaz to fight, to demand control. That he's so pliant amazes Rat a little. He allows himself to be more bold, to lick against Kaz's lips and then stroke fingers into his hair. They are simple things but they're inextricably based in touch.