(no subject)

[everymonstrousthing]

They were always, he supposes, creatures of habit. In Ketterdam, they had coffee houses and food places they preserved and most evenings that weren't spent at the Crow Club ended together in Kaz's rooms in Per Haskell's house. Her company was always what he preferred, what he sought out. Now, they're living together, without any prior discussion. He has nothing in the apartment downstairs. All of his clothes are here, his books, everything.

Home is wherever she decides to be.

One particular habit that he's developed is that he doesn't go to bed until she's home. He sits and watches television or reads until she's home. Tonight, he's sitting with his feet propped on the sill of an open window, book open across his knees, cigarette between his lips. He's been smoking since just after Jordie died but, here, it's become just another habit.

He smokes. He reads. He waits for his girl to come home.

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[everymonstrousthing]

"I suppose there must be," he says, voice low, pitched just for her ears. His lips brush her forehead again, his hand skimming down the line of her spine to rest against her ass for a moment. It's been nearly two months. He know her weight by heart. "Do you want to go to bed?"

[the_wraith]

"Not in real life." Which was precisely why she wants them in her fantasy.

The warmth of his hand down her back, on her ass, is enough to take her from that train of thought. She tilts her head back so her nose bumps at his chin and she presses a light kiss there. "Are you coming with me?"

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz doesn't justify that with a response. He drops the book on the floor and puts his feet down on the ground and then he stands, hoisting her into his arms with very little difficulty. For a moment, he struggles - he has the strongest sense memory of her blood soaking through his shirt. Still, that only lasts as long as it takes to duck his head and take a kiss.

[the_wraith]

She has no such memory. The bare, broken fragments of her consciousness from that event are lost to the farthest recesses of her mind, blended and diluted to feelings only. She's free to dissolve into giggles, muffled by his quick kiss.

She wraps her arms around his neck -- long sleeves against the bare skin -- and pulls herself toward his lips.

[everymonstrousthing]

Light as she is, he won't be able to keep this up forever and they both know it. Still kissing her, he steers them in the direction of the bedroom and their wide white bed. Once there, Kaz sets her down as gently as he can manage.

"Inej," he says, taking another kiss, pausing to strip off t-shirt and sweater as one. "Would you..." His cheeks flush furiously. "Would you undress for me?@

He's never asked for this before. But he wants it. Badly

[the_wraith]

She hesitates, eyes wide, and hates herself for that second of pause. It's not that she's set on giving Kaz whatever he wants. But he's asking, blushing, making a move. She doesn't want him to doubt himself now.

But the memory of Saint Valentine's Day still pops into her mind now and then, as well as the fear of moving too fast. And then there's the other memories that she doesn't allow to come up.

But she wants him. She always has. And she wants to give him this.

Without a word, she draws herself up to kneel on the bed and starts to remove her clothes.

[everymonstrousthing]

She's seen him naked before. Not fully, not until they came here, but they've been living in the same space for months and he's made no pretence at modesty, spent no time hiding from her. He strips off jeans and underwear and then he just watches as she strips.

"It's stupid," he says, softly, roughly. "I feel like I ought to...avert my eyes or something."

He doesn't want to look anywhere but straight at her.

[the_wraith]

He's distracting. That helps, to have her focus on the strong lines of his body rather than think about her own, but it makes her fingers slower in their work. Her jacket's gone, as well as the shirt under it. She toes off her shoes and is undoing her belt when he speaks.

"Kaz," she breathes out, a smile forming around his name. "This is for you. Don't look away."

[everymonstrousthing]

He sits down on the edge of the bed, his eyes dropping down to watch the movements of quick, slim fingers on her belt buckle. He swallows, dark eyes flicking back up to her face. He finds himself wanting to stare at the swell of her breasts, the revealed flat muscle of her belly. He blushes. He doesn't look away.

[the_wraith]

It's different. She feels that, in some small part of her brain, but she has to keep reminding herself of it, too. The men who came to the Menagerie and watched her undress were not the sort of men who would blush. Heleen never gave her to those.

This is Kaz, not a job. He sees her.

She swallows hard all the same and slides her pants down. Her underwear -- bra and panties both -- are black but cotton. Nothing special at all.

[everymonstrousthing]

He has never seen her with these few clothes on. He's seen her ready for bed, her long bare legs. He's seen her shoulders, her arms. But never like this. Still looking up at her, he reaches out and grazes his fingers against the bare skin of her belly, up to the curve of her breast.

"Can I...?" Kaz Brekker would never have asked for permission before; he probably still wouldn't now. Anywhere but here. He'd wait for Inej's word until the end of the world.

[the_wraith]

A part of her wishes he wouldn't ask. She's used to the taking. It's almost easier, in a way. She never felt a part of anything that happened at the Menagerie. She was never a participant; all she had to do was turn off her mind and things were done to her.

Thinking that was the way it should be and now knowing that it didn't have to be... the sharpness of that difference hurt.

She nods, then remembers to speak. "Yes," she says. "I'll say if I want you to stop."

[everymonstrousthing]

He believes her, trusts that she will. He knows that her experience of this must be a dark, hurting thing and, more than anything, he wants anything that happens between them to be something full of light and air. A ladder to climb. Kneeling isn't going to work for him so he moves, shuffles closer and thanks one god or another for the height difference and how it serves him now, even sitting. His reaction to her body is obvious but he ignores himself, for the moment, focusing on her.

Both hands skim, light, up her sides, thumb brushing the scar that was left behind after that day on the docks. Nina wasn't a healer, after all. He covers both breasts with the palms of his hands, squeezing lightly, experimentally. She's so, so warm under his hands, her skin firm and soft. It's the easiest thing in the world to keep reminding himself that she's alive and he's alive and this is something he's been dreaming about for years.

[the_wraith]

She fights to keep her breathing even, calm, and mostly succeeds. The squeeze coaxes a tiny gasp from her, one that is immediately followed by a soft, embarrassed laugh.

Inej is the one who's supposed to know how to do this, isn't she? She's supposed to be the one guiding, helping him.

Gently, her eyes fixed on Kaz's face, Inej places her hands atop his. She guides his fingers in slow, gentle circles around her nipples. Her body responds instantly.

[everymonstrousthing]

She laughs and it makes Kaz laugh, at how ridiculous it is that he feels this nervous when it's her he's touching. When they've been living so intimately, so closely, since February. The way she looks at him has weight. He lets her guide his fingers, a throb of arousal starting in his belly when he feels her nipples stiffen through thin fabric. He traces them with the pads of his thumbs.

"Can you..." He squeezes again, and then he leans in, pressing a light kiss against the slope of one breast, down, his lips brushing her nipple through her bra, tongue darting to press against it through cotton. "Could you take this off?"

[the_wraith]

This time she stifles the gasp, but it's a near thing. She has too much control over her own body to shudder at the touch of his tongue, but she feels her body humming with energy, nervous, aroused.

She needs something to steady her. She needs to be closer to him.

Licking her lips, Inej nods but first slides forward. She settles herself on his lap, her knees on either side of his hips, and the warmth of his body, the smell of him mingling with the faint scent of night air and cigarettes clears her head. Inej reaches behind her to find the clasp of her bra, lets it slip off without hesitation.

[everymonstrousthing]

She strips it off and Kaz's breath catches at the sight of her. Her weight in his lap is centering, focusing, even if it does put her closer to his cock. He's humiliatingly aware of himself, of how much he wants her. His hands slide back up her sides again (warm, she's so warm), cupping her breasts and squeezing harder this time, more sure of himself. He squeezes her nipples gently between his fingers and then he leans in and presses a kiss to the curve of her bare breast. Her skin is soft, the scent of her skin sharp and particular. His lips part again and he traces her nipple with the tip of her tongue before glancing up at her.

"Okay?"

[the_wraith]

"Mmhm."

It occurs to her only then that there's no reason for her to hold back. They can't go too far; she doesn't want them to have another incident like on Valentine's Day. But biting back moans and holding back shivers is pointless.

This is Kaz.

"It feels good, Kaz." The gentle roughness in her voice surprises her, but she doesn't try to hide it now. "Don't stop."

[everymonstrousthing]

He's never heard her sound like that before. He finds himself craving it. He focuses on how warm she is, on how firm her skin is, her neatly she fits into his arms. He focuses on the fact that it's her. He closes his eyes, his lashes brushing against her skin and he sucks her nipple until it stiffens further. His hand skims down her back to the waistband of her underwear. He hesitates, just for a moment, and then pushes his fingers under elastic, squeezing, tugging her hips closer to his.

[the_wraith]

No one's ever been this way with her. There were times when it wasn't so awful, when the men who paid for her seemed to want her to feel a little pleasure. But what they really wanted was the show of it, moans and pleading even when they were clumsy, rough or lost.

She doesn't fake anything now. His name escapes her lips on a soft moan and she barely realizes. She spreads her legs to fit more neatly against him, her hips finding his, finding the stiff, hot line of his cock through the damp fabric of her panties. She rocks closer.

[everymonstrousthing]

More than anything, he needs this to feel good for her. He needs it to be as far removed from anything else as possible. He shifts his mouth to her other breast, sucking her nipple into a firm peak. If anything, now, she's warmer than before.

"Inej," he breathes against her skin. His fingers trace the waistband of her panties. "Can I?"

[the_wraith]

She moans again, slides her hands up and down his shoulders and arms. He feel so good under her palms.

Inej is not entirely sure what he's planning, but she's certain that she wants it. "Yes, Kaz. Yes."

[everymonstrousthing]

Warm. She's warm. His head spins, a little, but it's not because of her hands on him. It's not because of that at all. Gently, he eases her out of his lap, onto her back on the bed. He leans over her, presses a kiss between her bare breasts, against the scar on her ribs, her belly. His hands are trembling slightly as he hooks his fingers over the waistband of her underwear and starts to roll them down over her thighs, stripping her as naked as he is. When he slips them off over her feet, he drops them on the floor and sits back for a moment so that he can just look at her, so that he can commit this sight to memory.

"Fuck," he breathes, soft and reverent as a prayer. "What does a girl like?" The corner of his mouth lifts in a smile, almost a tease. But she knows he's never done this before and, in that, he's asking her to lead and know he'll follow.

[the_wraith]

It's then she goes a little shy. He's always seen her. His eyes on her aren't the problem. Being the center of attention like this, naked and on display, that's the hard part. It's Kaz, it's only Kaz, and she reminds herself of that. But she's still only Inej: slim and small-breasted, no bedroom eyes or silks to charm with.

He breathes that curse with such wonder. She's confused by what he could possibly see.

His shaking hands hadn't escaped her notice. At his question, she takes one of his hands in both of hers, brings his knuckles to her mouth so she can kiss them.

"A girl wants her man to be okay with what they're doing," she says, looking up at him for confirmation or hesitation.

[everymonstrousthing]

"Okay?" His cheeks flush with embarrassment and desire. He ducks his head, his hand skimming the length of one thigh. "This is. It's more than okay." He nods, knowing that she's got to be waiting for a repeat performance. "You're so warm and you smell like you and it's...I want this so much, Inej. I want you. That's what I focus on." He smiles, crooked and broken and hers. "But I want...I need this to be good for you." He swallows. "So. Please. Don't worry about me. Just tell me what feels good."