(no subject)

[everymonstrousthing]

Once they're home, once he's medicated, and he's put on comfortable, soft clothes, layers that pull down over his hands, once he's poured himself a large drink, he settles on the sofa, and he waits for her to join him. He doesn't know how much she'll tell him, how much she'll want him to know, but he does know that he's willing to listen to whatever she wants to get out of her, and he does know that he told Heleen the truth.

That none of this matters to him. That nothing will change.

Comments

[tricktofalling]

Inej knows that, but there is some part of her that thinks she would feel less than if she couldn't have children. She knows that there are other ways to build a family, but she would like to make a go at it, if she can.

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz doesn't pull away from her, leaves his hands where they are. He just breathes with her for a moment.

"Do you think..." He says. "Do you think you could come here?"

[tricktofalling]

She considers it for a moment, and then, with a great and heavy weight in her chest, she shakes her head against her knees. This strange tangle they've managed--her toes tucked under his leg, his fingers on her ankle and her hair, and her hand on top of his--it's the most they've touched in weeks.

It burns in her a little. But she can still feel every other unpleasant hand on her skin.

"I'm trying," she says. "I don't want to think of anyone else touching me but you. And I can't yet."

[everymonstrousthing]

He isn't prepared for how much that stings. A few years ago, he never would have imagined it - this craving for touch. He nods, though, and he doesn't take his hands away from her, those little touches that she can permit.

"Whenever you're ready, love," he rasps.

[tricktofalling]

"I..." Her breath catches in her chest. "I'm going to talk to Nina, I think. See if she can help. Even a little. I don't like feeling so raw, like this. I want to be back to normal."

She breathes, and does not say that she wants to wear the ring. She wants to wear it soon, and she can't when she feels this raw and tainted. Nina will be able to help, she hopes. She trusts her to help.

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz instinctively distrusts Grisha magic, even when it's Nina's, but he also knows that he'd be happy with anything if it made Inej happy, if it helped her to feel comfortable in her skin again. He nods.

"If you think it'll help," he says. "You know I'd do anything, Inej."

[tricktofalling]

Inej isn't sure if she's trustful of the powers themselves, especially since she's the one of them that has seen Nina's powers under the influences of parem. But she loves and trusts Nina, and everything she has ever done for her.

"I don't know what will help," Inej admits. "But I would like to try everything I can."

[everymonstrousthing]

Kaz knows that he isn't one to talk about how to deal with problems. He knows that he's spent most of his life not dealing with things the way that he should. He looks down at his bare hands, his eyes slippign to linge ron the girl that he loves, how beautiful she is, and how his inexperienced heart aches with loving her.

"We'll figure a way out of it," he says, quietly. "We always do, don't we? Should be dead a dozen times over by now. Both of us."

[tricktofalling]

"We'll push through," she agrees.

She hasn't told him the half of it, but she's gleaned over it, enough that he knows, he understands why the weeks in October were so achingly terrible and why it lingers with her now.

Still, understanding is not the same as being able to push through. She can see in his eyes, feel in their scant touch, that he wants her back. She has to push through.

She'll get there. She has before, and will again.