(no subject)

[everymonstrousthing]

He breaks into Jesper's apartment in the end. When Jesper doesn't answer the door, fingers of cold fear scrape down Kaz's spine. He has an image of Jesper beaten and broken. Dead. It's more than he can stand, and he breaks in, already preparing for all of the monstrous things that he might have to do.

But what he finds is worse. What he finds is an empty apartment, not just empty but vacant, and Jesper's pistols on a table. Jesper wouldn't go anywhere without his pistols. Jesper treats his pistols like a fucking limb.

There's a box under the bed that he's going to need to do something about, but he doesn't have the energy right now. Dirtyhands wouldn't worry about something like that. Dirtyhands wouldn't even stop.

Locking Jesper's door behind him, Kaz heads for the Crow Club. Rage slams through him and he turns, slamming his cane into the wall. But Grisha work is good, and there's no damage to the silver crow's skull at all. And, right then, Kaz wants to see something crumple. So he does the only thing he can.

He slams one gloved fist into the brick wall and feels pain explode.
It's good. It's better than what it replaces.

Comments

[tricktofalling]

Inej lets those words sink in. The last time was her, she knows. She finds she isn't fond to know that Kaz destroyed something with so much time and effort and dedication living inside of it because he lost.

"You've already smashed something," she finally says, calm and soft.

[everymonstrousthing]

"What if it's not enough?" he asks, and he fights against Dirtyhands, fights against it. For her. For the way that she's looking at him right then.

[tricktofalling]

"Then we take it out of something else," Inej says, plain, simple, succinct. Kaz has been the lieutenant to one of the bosses of the Barrel, he's built an empire from the ground up, and Inej has been there for so much of it.

"We take it out of the people that played him. We don't let them think they can get one over on any of us."

[everymonstrousthing]

"Never stop fighting," says Kaz, grimly, studying the binding on his fingers. "And if we can't walk, we crawl."

[tricktofalling]

Inej picks up her glass of gin and soda, contemplating it for a moment. Contemplating Kaz beyond. She prefers the boy with no sharp edges, with no hint of Dirtyhands. But she knows Dirtyhands, how to move around him, how to navigate the coldness of him.

This isn't Dirtyhands, but it could be. They just won't let it, she supposes.

"No mourners."

[everymonstrousthing]

"No funerals," echoes Kaz, and there is some comfort in being known as well as she knows him now, now that he wears no armour before her, now that she knows every single one of his secrets.

"I was in love with him," he admits. "i hadn't even told him that."

[tricktofalling]

"You don't need to use the past with that, Kaz," Inej says softly. It's a fragile thing, that admission and, in a way, her permission to retain that feeling. "You don't stop loving someone just because they've gone. That's not how love works."

[everymonstrousthing]

"It feels like I do," says Kaz, closing his eyes. "Trust him to let me down again."

[tricktofalling]

Inej touches his arm, gentle but sincere. "You didn't stop loving me when I'd gone," she says, soft but earnest. She does not say that she has no intention of pushing Jesper out of her heart just because he isn't there.

"An empty flat, and a pile of debt," she sighs, but her eye roll is affectionate. "Sounds like Jesper Fahey."

[everymonstrousthing]

"You didn't fuck up as often as he did," says Kaz, but they both know that that's not enough to stop him." He sighs. "I don't even know how much debt," he says. "I knew it was there, but he was a cagey fuck."

[tricktofalling]

"I suppose we'll find out," Inej says with a bit of a sigh. She's been watching him, knows his comings and goings--the big, beach casinos, like the ones in the Lid; and seedier places around the city, little back-room parlors.

"Less worried about the debt, more the people he owes it to. We'll get it straightened, I suppose."

[everymonstrousthing]

"If they couldn't beat us in Ketterdam, they can't beat us here," says Kaz, glancing up at her. "Here? They're not going to know what's hit them."

[tricktofalling]

Inej nods in firm conviction. There is no need to remake the Dregs here. But they could, even just the two of them--Mattias, too, if they really needed the muscle. But the two of them can manage just fine.

"Is there anything of his...?"

[everymonstrousthing]

"His pistols," says Kaz, his mouth working a little into something ugly before he forces himself to relax. "Some things we bought between us." Based on conversations between them, he knows she'll know what he means. "His stupid fucking waistcoats."

[tricktofalling]

The thought of those pistols being here is almost as painful as the thought of Kaz not being here. Inej stares into her drink and lets her eyebrows knit for a moment, and then relaxes.

Rather than asking what all is in that box--it doesn't matter, it's not her business; he will tell or show her if he wants to--she smiles about the waistcoats.

"Maybe I should get one of them taken in for myself."

[everymonstrousthing]

"Honestly, I'd like that," says Kaz. It's only a flicker of warmth, an ember, but it's something that he craves fiercely. He sighs and leans in to her a little.

[tricktofalling]

To have Kaz Brekker need that physical closeness is still something that Inej is getting used to, but in this moment, she doesn't think of it at all. She leans back into him, just a little, as they stand there and drink their drinks. It isn't much, but it's what they can manage now.