(no subject)

[everymonstrousthing]

He breaks into Jesper's apartment in the end. When Jesper doesn't answer the door, fingers of cold fear scrape down Kaz's spine. He has an image of Jesper beaten and broken. Dead. It's more than he can stand, and he breaks in, already preparing for all of the monstrous things that he might have to do.

But what he finds is worse. What he finds is an empty apartment, not just empty but vacant, and Jesper's pistols on a table. Jesper wouldn't go anywhere without his pistols. Jesper treats his pistols like a fucking limb.

There's a box under the bed that he's going to need to do something about, but he doesn't have the energy right now. Dirtyhands wouldn't worry about something like that. Dirtyhands wouldn't even stop.

Locking Jesper's door behind him, Kaz heads for the Crow Club. Rage slams through him and he turns, slamming his cane into the wall. But Grisha work is good, and there's no damage to the silver crow's skull at all. And, right then, Kaz wants to see something crumple. So he does the only thing he can.

He slams one gloved fist into the brick wall and feels pain explode.
It's good. It's better than what it replaces.

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[everymonstrousthing]

He slams his fist into the wall again and, this time, he actually feels bones in his hand break. That's good, actually. That brings clarity. He turns to face Matthias, his coat flaring in the breeze.

"Helvar." He softens, a little. "Matthias."

[someones_monster]

Matthias winces when Kaz punches the wall, and now he knows what the source of that awful sound was. There's a crunch to this one and Matthias swears in Fjerdan under his breath as he crosses the distance in a few long strides.

"What are you doing to yourself?" he demands, but does not move to inspect Kaz's hand. He knows better than to touch.

[everymonstrousthing]

"He's gone," says Kaz, his voice flat and harsh as a blade on stone. He cradles his wounded hand against his chest, his fingers bent at wrong angles. He might have thought of a softer way to tell Inej, but he doesn't owe Helvar that. No mourners, they used to say. No funerals.

But Jesper never did have any manner of luck at all.

[someones_monster]

Matthias doesn't need to ask who, or where, his throat tightening around questions bubbling up, begging to be asked, as though asking them will produce different answers than the ones he already knows. He'd seen Kaz destroy his very own club over Inej, and now he's breaking his own hand over Jesper.

Strangely, Matthias feels his eyes prickle. He blinks the feeling away and shakes his head.

"I don't understand this place," he says quietly.

[everymonstrousthing]

"What's not to understand?" says Kaz, his eyebrow arched sharply. He closes his eyes and breathes for a moment, focusing on the pain. "The world's ugly and it's cruel and it takes more than it gives. I would have thought that you'd know that by now."

[someones_monster]

Matthias did know that, or he should have. From the Grisha raid that took his family, to Hellgate, to here and KIRIN and all the rest, but he had never quite let himself sink low enough to give up. Even in Hellgate he had survived, he had killed his own kin to live. If anyone deserved to be taken from here, it was him. Yet, here he remains. He can't help feeling a little guilty for it, as though the group of them are interchangeable.

He'd liked to think life was better here for Jesper, not forced to live in the slums of the Slat, not forced to hide his Grisha powers. All Matthias can hope now is that life is good for him back in Ketterdam.

"I'll miss him," Matthias finally says, clearing his throat a little.

[everymonstrousthing]

"Yeah," says Kaz, his face cold and emotionless for a moment, fingers on his uninjured hand flexing. "Come on. I need a drink."

[someones_monster]

Matthias nods, and falls into step next to Kaz to walk the rest of the way back to his club, if that's where he's intending on drinking. "You need more than a drink. I can look at your fingers when we get inside, if you want." He's no doctor, but he learned plenty of first aid with the drüskelle.

[everymonstrousthing]

He's better than he used to be, but the thought of Helvar touching his bare skin sends a shiver of revulsion through him. He shakes his head.

"It'll wait until I see Inej."

On 20 January 2017 at 19:08, someones_monster - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote: