everymonstrousthing

Entry tags:

AU - Rat

In the days after she goes, he's Dirtyhands more often than not. He stalks Darrow, sharp enough to cut. So little soft left in him. It's worse, because he'd let himself soften. He'd let too much of Kaz Reitvald come back and now reminding himself how to be the man he was in Ketterdam is hard work. It hurts.

Still. There's rough work to be done. So here he is.

The air in the club is close with tobacco, the smell of bodies. Kaz's mouth makes a moue of distaste as he slips up to the bar and orders gin, neat. He leans his back against polished wood, looks up at the stage. He's in time to catch the tail end of the performance.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kaz can't answer the question for a moment, sidetracked as he watches Rat undress. He swallows, glances up at Rat, curls his fingers around his own cock and strokes spit-slick skin. He rolls one shoulder.

"Whatever you want," he says. "I want to do whatever you want me to do." It's a confession - it leaves him feeling hollowed out and clean.

"Well, first I want you to stop that," Rat says, indicating Kaz's hand. "You'll spoil it." Standing up, he lets Kaz observe him from behind, scars visible but yards of lean muscle and pale skin too.

"We wouldn't that," says Kaz, but he does take his hand away from himself, lifting both arms to drape his arms against the couch cushion over his head. "What about you? What do you really want here, Rat?" He draws in a slightly shivering breath. "I think I'd let you do anything."

"That's a dangerous thing to say, between the two of us," he says. What does he want? An excellent question, a fair one to ask when he's just had Kaz at his mercy. Wanting and needing are different things in his life, one subsumed for the sake of the other. "Are you asking me if I want a relationship or something?"

He asks with an edge of sarcasm, enough to save him if he's not reading this correctly. If Kaz isn't as bereft as he is.

"I make a decent distraction. I enjoy you."

"No," says Kaz because, honestly, the thought of a relationship ever again, of leaving himself that open to another person just makes him feel queasy and sick. "I mean right here. What do you want from me now." He swallows, glances up at Rat with dark hooded eyes.

That, he supposes, is what he gets for not minding his lessons and becoming romantic against all advice. He keeps those thoughts from showing and reaches out with his hands to pull Kaz to his feet. They can do this in bed, keep the cats out and the memories at bay.

"I'd like to push you into that mattress and make you forget your own name for a while."

Kaz can't help smiling, suddenly and breathless. He leans in and takes a kiss, fingers of his free hand brushing Rat's shoulder, warm and strong. "I want that," he says, surprised by how strong the stab of desire is. "So fucking much."

"Done," he promises. With sudden force, he takes Kaz by the shoulders and pushes so that he falls backward into the bed. Rat smiles wickedly as he closes the door and turns the lock. No one is going to come in, but it adds another barrier, another sense of finality.

Still wearing that face, Rat goes into his night stand and throws a tube and some condoms onto the mattress before following suit, bending over Kaz to give him a firm kiss that hints at being punishing.

The turned key, the look in Rat's face sends a shiver of excitement through Kaz's core. He lies sprawled on the bed, makes no attempt to move. When Rat leans over him and kisses like that, Kaz pushes back, kissing with answering hunger and ferocity. If Rat wants him in place then Kaz wants to feel it when he's put there.

Rat brings all of his skinny weight down to bear on Kaz, pressing firmly against him, hip to hip. It lets his prick move against Kaz's, but still not enough to bring satisfaction. One hand scrapes up Kaz's chest before pinning his wrist above his head and Rat flashes that troublemaking smile again. "Turn over."

His breath catches when Rat slides against him like that, and Kaz bites his lip. He looks up into Rat's face, flexing his fingers when he finds himself pinned and, when Rat gives him space, he rolls over, effortlessly, immediately obedient.

"Lovely," he says with an air of open inspection. One hand creeps over Kaz's back, finding the curve of his ass and squeezing. The other hand uncaps the lube, letting it spill into his palm. Without warning, though not cruelly either, Rat nudges a slick finger against Kaz's arse, putting pressure on his entrance without actually pressing in.

Kaz has been touched like this a handful of times since Inej left, always anonymously, always just because once he started to want to feel skin, he couldn't quite stop wanting it. Rat pushes again him with one finger and Kaz shifts his legs further apart, needy, pushing up onto his elbows and letting his head drop forward.

It's nice to know that Kaz's aversion can be overridden by pleasure. Kaz practically invites him in and Rat makes a slow, methodical show of working in one finger, always staying on just the ride side of torturous.

It's not enough, and they both know it. Kaz stays relatively still, head bowed, resists the urge to work his hips back against the finger pressed into him. He lets out a small, shivering breath.

He keeps teasing, drawing back to add a second finger, to go deeper and tease at Kaz's prostate before gliding his fingers deftly away. A hint of more but never enough.

It feels good enough that it's not hard enough to give in to it completely. He spreads his legs wider, knees pressing into the bed. There's a twinge of pain in his bad leg, but not enough to stop him. He moans, pressing his face into the pillow as Rat fingers him, as he teases.

"You'd think being used came naturally to you." He's not sure he's saying it only to Kaz, not sure if it really is just banter. They're using each other a little and letting themselves be used. It's how they cope with pain in their worlds.

He circles Kaz with a third finger ready to slide in. Rat is slim enough that Kaz might be all right with the stretch of two fingers but three will make it good.

"I'm a quick learner," says Kaz, shifting his hips back towards the teasing touch. He shifts, glancing back over his shoulder. "I don't know that I'd call this use. This is practically gentle."

Rat smirks at Kaz and thrusts his fingers in, suddenly fast and deep. It's not quite merciless but it's an obvious shift in pace. "If we do this again, remind me to gag you." He says it with a razor slice of smile and grabs the back of Kaz's head to push his face back down into the mattress.

"What's wrong with now?" Asks Kaz, before the pressure of his face against the mattress makes it difficult to talk. He groans at he press of Rat's fingers into his arse.

"Because I want to hear you," he says, emphasizing the point with a rough thrust of his fingers. Leaning over him, Rat lets Kaz feel his arousal press agains him as he scrapes fingernails down the skin of his back.

The thrust of Rat's fingers is rough enough to hurt a little and Kaz groans, pressing his face into the sheets. He can feel the press of Rat's cock against his sky, the scrape of his nails. He's surprised by how much he wants it all right then.

Reaching over, he picks up the condom and tears the wrapper open with his teeth so that he can roll it on. It's something he does with practiced ease and he leans down over Kaz with a smile, folding himself over him so that his chest conforms to Kaz's back, his mouth by Kaz's ear. "Ready?"

A shiver goes through Kaz's frame, top of his head to toes. He shifts, pressing back against Rat's weight behind him.

"Ready."

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