everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

(no subject)

Kaz lets Jesper lead the way. It isn't the first time that he's been in Jesper's apartment but it's the first time without Inej, and that makes everything different. Once he's inside, he shrugs out of his jacket, leaves himself in his shirtsleeves, looks down at his gloves for a long, long time. Irritated, he passes one hand back through his hair and lowers himself down onto the couch.

"Not too late to turn me out onto the street, Jesper."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Do you feel ready?" As he asks it, Jesper reaches out for a condom, ready to tear it open with his teeth. More than ready, aching to do it.

He feels as ready as he's going to be. He doesn't trust his voice right then, though, so he just nods.

"On your front? Or your back?"

Jesper wonders if Kaz has ever allowed anyone as much power over him as he has now, a thought that only makes him want more. One-handed, he rolls on the sheathe and then starts to withdraw his fingers so that he can position himself, waiting.

"You can choose," says Kaz, glancing back over his shoulder, watching Jesper as he rolls the sheathe down over his cock. He'd used similar with Inej; he knows the purpose. "As long as I don't have to bend my knee."

"I want to look at you," he breathes, admitting that desire. Moving his hand, he gives Kaz room to turn over on his back, finding a pillow for him to rest on if that makes it easier. It gives Kaz the space to put his legs on either side of Jesper.

Resettling himself, Jesper lines them up together, pushing in only a little. "Saints," he says, forgetting himself.

Kaz spreads his legs wide, makes room for Jesper between them. He's blushing when Jesper looks at him like that, when it feels like Jesper really sees him in that moment. Stripped bare. No armour.

And then Jesper starts to slide into him and it's a whole new force of sensation.

He's careful. It makes him feel crazy, needy, but he's careful. Kaz is watching him, cheeks flushed, eyes glassy and Jesper has to fight not to just thrust in, to let himself have Kaz. He feels so damned good.

Jesper's cock feels different from his fingers, pressure and stretch but different. Kaz's eyelashes flutter and he bends his good leg, cradling Jesper's hip.

It shouldn't surprise him when Kaz shifts so that his leg lays against his but the new point of contact does. He shifts a little so that he can support Kaz's bad leg and then he continues to push in, watching Kaz's face over every inch until he settles.

It's like nothing else that he's ever experienced and nothing that he ever expected and he finds that he can't look at Jesper right then, and so he lets his eyes slip closed for a second as Jesper doesn't stop pushing until he's full.

"Fuck."

"That so?" Jesper asks it and tries to feign a casual attitude, tries not to betray how eager he is to move, to really feel him. With Kaz's eyes closed, Jesper can't read anything in them. Can't tell if the curse is displeasure or not.

"Something like that," says Kaz, his breath coming quick and shallow as he gets used to the press of Jesper's cock inside him, the stretch, the slight edge of pain. A different pain that he's used to. He forces his eyes open, looks Jesper - his closest friend, his only friend - in the eye.

He probably shouldn't be surprised at how piercing Kaz's eyes are, all jet black and glittering. As Kaz's breathing starts to even, Jesper shifts back incrementally, legs shaking from keeping his control. The whole time, he watches Kaz, tries to read him.

There's the faintest crease between Kaz's dark eyebrows, just the slightest hint of a frown. Trembling, he raises one hand, his fingers skimming, shaping the air over Jesper's bare shoulder, the back of his head. He barely, just barely, nods.

It's not much of a touch but from Kaz it's everything. His nod means even more and Jesper finally lets himself move, not nearly at the speed he'd like but smoothly, enraptured by him.

And, just like that, Jesper's fucking him. Kaz lets his head fall backs, lets himself get lost in it, for a moment. His fingertips brush Jesper's hair.

His hair's grown out some, enough that Kaz can grab on if he wants. Jesper even bends his head to it and shifts a little, raising Kaz's hips in his grasp.

Kaz does grasp at Jesper's wiry hair, looking for an anchor, letting Jesper shift him, giving in to it.

He'd forgotten how much he liked having his hair pulled, even only slightly. It lets him feel like Kaz is losing control and he never does that.

"You feel good," he says, the words coming out in a rushed breath. "Kaz, you...Saints."

Jesper's been waiting for this forever. Kaz knows that. He's been able to see it in his face for years.

"M'not going to break," he mumbles.

Jesper wants to ask if he's sure but he's also not stupid enough to push that boundary. He nods and lets himself have some of the speed, the intensity that he's wanted since this started.

And that's better. That's intensely better. Kaz groans, a soft and raw sound in the back of his throat. His good leg lifts again, wrapping around Jesper's thigh as they fuck. It's exactly what he needs. He feels wiped clean.

He wants to see Kaz like this again and again and this deep into it, this blissed out, Jesper can forget it likely won't happen. Kaz Brekker doesn't give up parts of himself easy but right now, Jesper can hear and feel him and the way that Kaz is both relaxed and tensed. It's fucking perfect.

He wants, he realises, something else. He needs to feel more anchored. He tugs Jesper's hair, turning his head so that he can kiss him, just a brush of lips.

Of all things, it's the little kiss that shocks him, and that Kaz initiates it. Jesper presses back into the kiss, enjoying the softness of it in the midst of all this.