everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

Jesper leaves off stroking himself and faces Kaz as seriously as he can when he's bare-ass naked. "The last man I entertained here fingered himself open with me," Jesper says, thinking of Freddie's golden body. "And then he pushed me back into the bed and rode my cock."

Even now, the memory of it and the fantasy of Kaz makes said cock twitch, makes Jesper ache, but he still can't believe that Kaz will let him.

Kaz feels his face get hot, his breath hitch, when Jesper says that. Sex was never something that interested him, too tied up with closeness, with touch, but the world's different now and all of his cracks are showing.

"I don't know how to do any of that."

He's a poor substitute for Inej in that way. Kaz can't have him the way he would a woman and there's no closing his eyes and pretending. Jesper takes Kaz's answer to also mean he doesn't want to and so he stretches out instead, body long and lean, and then returns his attentions to himself.

"I won't say no if you touch me," he says, gesturing at his own torso.

The touch, the first touch, is very tentative, a brush of his fingertips against Jesper's ribs, the edge of his nipple. Warm. Very, very warm.

"I didn't say no," he says.

The softness of it surprises Jesper, startles a gasp out of him, and he looks back up to Kaz. He's close enough to kiss but Jesper's experience with other men is that they hate the taste of his mouth after he's sucked them out, so he lays back and lets Kaz explore him.

Taking his hand off his cock, Jesper moves an uncertain hand up Kaz's bare chest.

"You didn't say you wanted it either."

"I don't know what I want, Jes," he says, quietly, just the edges of his nails touching Jesper's skin. "Just for tonight, it can be about you winning for once."

"Some things aren't about winning," Jesper says. All the same, he turns over and finds the lubricant he keeps in his nightstand along an opened box of rubber sheathes. Damned convenient, this modern age can be.

But saints, he wants this and that's reason enough to go as far as Kaz will let him. Jesper leans in and kisses his throat again, finding that spot that caught his attention before.

Jesper kisses his throat and Kaz lets his head fall back, just lets it take him for a moment. He struggles, ineffectually, with his skirt, tangled up in more ways than one.

In this, Jesper can take the lead. He pulls Kaz to lean up and pushes his shirt off his shoulders, lets it pool in a semicircle around him. He takes a mental catalogue of Kaz's scars, kisses the ones he can reach in a sloppy path to his nipple, tongue spreading flat against it.

Kaz groans softly at the wet hot swipe of Jesper's tongue. His back arches. He squirms.

Jesper sighs out and then kisses further down, tugging Kaz's trousers and underwear away so that they're finally both naked. He can see the nasty scar of Kaz's bad leg, all the other hurts and scrapes he's endured, the kind that litter Jesper's body too.

"It might be better if you lie on your side," Jesper says, uncertain. "Or your stomach."

And that's it then. He's stripped bare, just scars and ink and skin. He thinks about that for a second and then, carefully, gingerly, he rolls onto his stomach and presses his cheek against the sheet.

He still expects Kaz to back out, to tell Jesper off, but he doesn't. It's hard to believe he's awake, that this isn't a dream that ends with waking alone, save for a damp spot in his boxers. Using his fingers, he warms up the lube and moves slowly, tracing the cleft of Kaz's ass, giving him ample time.

It's a strange feeling, a little alien, but still warm, slick in a way that makes his eyelashes flutter. He never would have thought he'd be a person who'd crave closeness.

Jesper is more careful than he's ever been with himself, nudging at Kaz with a fingertip, pressing in slowly to the first knuckle. He watches Kaz with rapt attention, the way he stares at the cards when something crucial is about to happen.

It's a completely foreign feeling, but not necessarily bad for it. Kaz finds that he doesn't entirely mind the feeling of penetration. Of being conquered. He turns his head, so he can watch Jesper while it happens.

He's not sure he's even drunk anymore.

He's a little caught off guard when Kaz looks at him and Jesper tries to ignore the heat it sends to his face, even as he gets a little more comfortable with fingering Kaz, pressing in deeper so that he can feel the stretch.

Kaz's eyelashes flutter when Jesper stretches him like that. He bites his lip, shifting his hips against the sheets a little. He lifts himself up onto his elbows a little, his spine making an arch.

"I'm going to take that as a good sign," Jesper says. The words are flirtatious but they come out slightly mystified, a little breathy, because he's making Kaz twist and arch like this, making him press back for more.

"I'm not telling you to stop, am I?" says Kaz, twisting his head to look back over his shoulder again, making sure he catches Jesper's eye again.

No, he's really not, which shakes Jesper a little, even as he gradually works Kaz up to three fingers. He's going slower than he has for other partners, all of them far more experienced than Kaz, and it feels as if time has stopped outside of this room. Everything that happens is theirs alone.

And saints, Kaz keeps looking at him.

Three fingers is a lot, and Kaz is so intensely aware of every press inside him. His arms tremble slightly. He lets his head drop.

"Jes," he mumbles, his eyes squeezed tight shut.

Jesper slips his hand back, not stopping but waiting as he tries to sort out what Kaz needs. "Less?"

Kaz shakes his head, straight dark brows drawn together in a frown as he squirms a little.

"No. I...I don't know. But...not less."

Even though Kaz has told him as much, it really boggles Jesper's mind that he's a virgin. Now, as he shifts a little, it shows and Jesper aches himself with need. Rather than pull his fingers out, he eases them slowly deeper, knowing how to shift this over from discomfort to pleasure.