everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

(no subject)

Kaz lets Jesper lead the way. It isn't the first time that he's been in Jesper's apartment but it's the first time without Inej, and that makes everything different. Once he's inside, he shrugs out of his jacket, leaves himself in his shirtsleeves, looks down at his gloves for a long, long time. Irritated, he passes one hand back through his hair and lowers himself down onto the couch.

"Not too late to turn me out onto the street, Jesper."

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Kaz nods, pushing one hand through his hair before he stands up, padding in the direction of Jesper's bathroom. He leaves the door open, though, as he leans into the shower to get the water going and then steps under the full flow.

He follows Kaz in, wanting to kiss him but uncertain as to how far that allowance extends once Kaz has had his share. Jesper tells himself that it's okay and, at least, he can enjoy the thought of Jesper smelling like his soap for the night.

Kaz leans his forehead against the wall for a moment, just to catch his breath. He smiles, though, when he hears Jesper get in behind him. He doesn't consider too deeply about what they're doing here.

Should he say something? Tell Kaz how long he's wanted this? Jesper doesn't know. He turns his attention instead to lathering up his soap and moving it over Kaz's back and shoulders.

Jesper's hands feel so incredibly good, slipping over his skin like that. Kaz leans back against him, making a soft, contended noise. The warm water sluices over both of them.

It's easy enough from there to wrap his arms around Kaz, hands cleaning his chest and stomach and Jesper holding onto him equally content.

It will, Kaz knows, need to be examined. What they're doing here. How things have changed. But, for right then, he's warm and he's content and the press of Jesper's body against him is comforting where, once, it would have been something he ran from.

It's enough.

Jesper enjoys this. The slow and unhurried luxury of the moment. Relaxed, he lets his head drop against Kaz's shoulder and sighs. "Stay tonight?"

Part of Kaz knows that he ought to leave, that he ought to sneer and pull away. But there's a part of him, a still soft part of him, that can't bear the thought. He nods.

"Why?" A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Want to go again?"

"Maybe." He puts on a rakish smile and then nuzzles at Kaz's neck and back. "Maybe I like a cuddle now and then."

It's such a foreign concept but one that brings back memories of Inej curling into his lap with the scent of night breeze still caught in her hair. He nods and he doesn't pull away.

"I could live with that."

Jesper smiles and kisses Kaz under his ear before stepping back to get his towel, drying off and waiting for Kaz to follow him to bed. He doesn't know if he'll wake up with Kaz or not but he doesn't care. This is almost enough.

Kaz stays in the shower for another moment more before he turns it off and steps out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist He pads into Jesper's bedroom, stands in the doorway.

"Do you have something I can sleep in?"

"Yeah, look there." Jesper points to a bureau and its top drawer. Most of his clothes are scattered in distinct piles (clean, worn, and dirty) but he'd had a fit of tidiness and folded some things last week.

Jesper stretches out on the bed, content to sleep in the altogether.

Kaz borrows a pair of soft cotton pajama trousers, a t-shirt with sleeves. He lies down on the bed next to Jesper, one arm draped over his head.

Jesper looks at Kaz once more and smiles, enjoying the sight of it. He closes his eyes and sleeps better than he thinks he has since he got here.

When he wakes up and Kaz is gone, Jesper tells himself he should have seen it coming.

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