everymonstrousthing | (no subject)

"I don't know what I want, Jes," he says, quietly, just the edges of his nails touching Jesper's skin. "Just for tonight, it can be about you winning for once."

"Some things aren't about winning," Jesper says. All the same, he turns over and finds the lubricant he keeps in his nightstand along an opened box of rubber sheathes. Damned convenient, this modern age can be.

But saints, he wants this and that's reason enough to go as far as Kaz will let him. Jesper leans in and kisses his throat again, finding that spot that caught his attention before.

Jesper kisses his throat and Kaz lets his head fall back, just lets it take him for a moment. He struggles, ineffectually, with his skirt, tangled up in more ways than one.

In this, Jesper can take the lead. He pulls Kaz to lean up and pushes his shirt off his shoulders, lets it pool in a semicircle around him. He takes a mental catalogue of Kaz's scars, kisses the ones he can reach in a sloppy path to his nipple, tongue spreading flat against it.

Kaz groans softly at the wet hot swipe of Jesper's tongue. His back arches. He squirms.

Jesper sighs out and then kisses further down, tugging Kaz's trousers and underwear away so that they're finally both naked. He can see the nasty scar of Kaz's bad leg, all the other hurts and scrapes he's endured, the kind that litter Jesper's body too.

"It might be better if you lie on your side," Jesper says, uncertain. "Or your stomach."

And that's it then. He's stripped bare, just scars and ink and skin. He thinks about that for a second and then, carefully, gingerly, he rolls onto his stomach and presses his cheek against the sheet.

He still expects Kaz to back out, to tell Jesper off, but he doesn't. It's hard to believe he's awake, that this isn't a dream that ends with waking alone, save for a damp spot in his boxers. Using his fingers, he warms up the lube and moves slowly, tracing the cleft of Kaz's ass, giving him ample time.

It's a strange feeling, a little alien, but still warm, slick in a way that makes his eyelashes flutter. He never would have thought he'd be a person who'd crave closeness.

Jesper is more careful than he's ever been with himself, nudging at Kaz with a fingertip, pressing in slowly to the first knuckle. He watches Kaz with rapt attention, the way he stares at the cards when something crucial is about to happen.

It's a completely foreign feeling, but not necessarily bad for it. Kaz finds that he doesn't entirely mind the feeling of penetration. Of being conquered. He turns his head, so he can watch Jesper while it happens.

He's not sure he's even drunk anymore.

He's a little caught off guard when Kaz looks at him and Jesper tries to ignore the heat it sends to his face, even as he gets a little more comfortable with fingering Kaz, pressing in deeper so that he can feel the stretch.

Kaz's eyelashes flutter when Jesper stretches him like that. He bites his lip, shifting his hips against the sheets a little. He lifts himself up onto his elbows a little, his spine making an arch.

"I'm going to take that as a good sign," Jesper says. The words are flirtatious but they come out slightly mystified, a little breathy, because he's making Kaz twist and arch like this, making him press back for more.

"I'm not telling you to stop, am I?" says Kaz, twisting his head to look back over his shoulder again, making sure he catches Jesper's eye again.

No, he's really not, which shakes Jesper a little, even as he gradually works Kaz up to three fingers. He's going slower than he has for other partners, all of them far more experienced than Kaz, and it feels as if time has stopped outside of this room. Everything that happens is theirs alone.

And saints, Kaz keeps looking at him.

Three fingers is a lot, and Kaz is so intensely aware of every press inside him. His arms tremble slightly. He lets his head drop.

"Jes," he mumbles, his eyes squeezed tight shut.

Jesper slips his hand back, not stopping but waiting as he tries to sort out what Kaz needs. "Less?"

Kaz shakes his head, straight dark brows drawn together in a frown as he squirms a little.

"No. I...I don't know. But...not less."

Even though Kaz has told him as much, it really boggles Jesper's mind that he's a virgin. Now, as he shifts a little, it shows and Jesper aches himself with need. Rather than pull his fingers out, he eases them slowly deeper, knowing how to shift this over from discomfort to pleasure.

It hurts, a little, but then Jesper's fingers press, scrape over something inside him that sends a jolt of pressure and pleasure straight through him. He cries out.

There. There it is and Jesper lets out a breath, laughs softly. "Not so bad, right?" he asks, twisting his fingers, spreading them a little, and teasing at him again.

"Ah!"

Kaz catches himself, shaking his head as he rocks cautiously back onto Jesper's fingers. His cock is starting to get hard again. He flushes, feeling debauched and lewd and lighter than he has since he woke up and found Inej gone.

Again, Jesper works to commit everything that's happening to memory. If this never happens again, he doesn't want to forget a single moment of it.

He can see Kaz's arousal returning and his own cock, flagging, also starts to get hard again.

Almost.

Kaz's breath shivers in and out, his thighs trembling as Jesper fucks him out with his fingers. He lets his head drop, his forehead touching the pillow. It just feels so, so good in a way that has no edges, nothing he can cling to.